Tag Archives: Trans

Humanity, Trans, transgender

“For your sake. For their sake. ” – Harvey Milk

All my trans* and non-binary brothers and sisters and the LGBTQ+ community, please take care of yourself. To help others people need to be as well as they can be themselves.

In today’s world where attacks are nonstop, reaching out and helping one another before attacking is often the best case in my opinion. Like the safety presentation on an airplane; put your mask on before helping others. The idea of defend before attacking also comes to mind.

It is impossible to see any news or depiction of what passes as news without being subjected to what is found there. There are many ways one can look at this, some good and others bad.

If you are unable to escape the reach of bad news, please keep in mind there can be a positive outcome. Humans are resilient and when up against a no-win, people find what is needed to persevere. There are countless examples throughout history of this.

If we were not in the way of an agenda then we would be largely ignored. This can be a position to take where the community’s existence and the reaction from some points to our strength and obstruction to those desires they use to attempt to beat us down.

I am writing this for anyone who needs it as well as myself. A reminder that I am here and not going anywhere and this act of defiance and dissent alone is a defense against hate. I am and will continue to do more.

What so many trans* and non-binary people are asked to endure on a daily basis is daunting and our perseverance is beyond amazing, it moves me to keep being positive and provides encouragement.

This community has withstood so much and to step back now seems like the wrong direction for how far we have come. In so many ways I see my personal struggle as a source of growth and it shows me just how much I can actually achieve. Convert the stress and anxiety into a drive to keep going and to help others as we can.

Rest if you need to, unplug for a while, recharge and be safe and healthy. I know that the community will be here and continue to be when you are ready again to come out.

Shatter that door down!

I will not attempt to reword Harvey Milk. Here is a link to a speech he made on June 25th 1978 for Gay Freedom Day.

https://www.docsteach.org/documents/document/milk-hope-speech

The transcript of Harvey Milk’s The Hope Speech

https://www.mfa.org/exhibitions/amalia-pica/transcript-harvey-milks-the-hope-speech

If you are the video type, here is a YouTube link to a scene from the movie Milk (2008)

If you can, please watch this movie, if you have then watch it again and keep what is happening in mind when you do.

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Art, Dissent, Humanity, My Opinion, Trans, transgender, why

A Dragon

Anyone who attacks the lives of others is just a small heart, small mind and no soul worth redemption. A convoluted pile of fear coated in a Napoleon complex bathed in narcissism. The fear is buried and distorted by hate that attacks the very fabric of what those people claim.

Attacks on Transgender people Non-binary, Bisexual, Lesbian, Gay, Intersex, Queer plus, plus plus. The long standing history of Black suppression. Asian discrimination against the mere presence of of people not nearly enough effort has been given to understand. This is pitiful and holds no valid excuse or reason of good, noble or even human.

We let these attacks hurt us when we the marginalized can see these for what they are and laugh in the face as they show what they really stand for; money, power, control and to wear a costume to look good for others while their attacks reveal the wolf in sheep’s clothing. The devil in disguise. The pointing out of a red herring. These distract others and themselves from the the inadequacies they bear the weight of.

As a trans woman I have to face my daemons every moment I am. I must think anyone part of a community under attack is pushed to do the same.

Our aggressors are too weak to do the same and make us their targets rather than face what is too much for them, their own daemons. The emotional baggage they carry is too much so they feel they need to distract themselves and others from noticing they are the ones with the issues to be resolved. Too weak to work on themselves, they must attack others.

I do not wish evil upon them unlike what we the oppressed receive. I do not ask for a formal or public apology for their atrocities. I hope they find a way to reconcile what deeply troubles them and find peace in a world of diversity and change.

Calm down, relax and take a deep lifelong breath of unity and peace.

I am not here to throw stones but beg for a better tomorrow for everyone, everywhere regardless of demographic, culture or difference. Communicate and strive for understanding over winning or being right and not wrong. Cooperate and not to demand. Pursue understanding and hold back judgement.

The idea of a dragon changes and one way this is in culture. The symbolism of a dragon is a protecting mother much as a bear will defend her young. The dragon mentors, protects and nurtures and when she must draw on her wisdom and strength, defend against the aggressors.

Let us keep the nurture and caring mother dragons doing just that and end the need to defend as aggressors are nowhere.

The noble and just will let the past be and work tirelessly to forge a new beginning on solid ground with a clean slate.

Can we open the door, negotiate, even if informally, to begin again and vow to an eternal ceasefire for the prosperity of humanity.

My blog is titled Empress Em and this can illicit notions I am aware. The thoughts of a ruler or any standing above is not who I am or what I stand for. I am a peasant Empress of a life full of struggle and not one of privilege or power. I rule only my own choices and mind, no one else.

I also dilute the ideas of Queens, kings, Empress and Emperor to President, Chairman, dictator and the entire list possible to make here. These should not be titles on authority but strive to be Buddha or flow as the Taoist.

If we are to kill anyone we should do so not in hate, desire, power, greed or otherwise but in the warmth and comfort of compassion and kindness.

Forgive and move forward without combat. We are not gods and as such we are fallible and have no authority in the judgement of others. This goes both ways and in every direction.

Can we stop hurting others and can we stop denying ourselves?

Time to let the lie of the red herring no longer be a scapegoat.

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Dissent, Humanity, Trans

On a rant

I am queer and trans! No apologies!

If you are one to have issue with me, my existence or anyone else, why are you still reading?

I dissent from the ideas where what is benign is an attack on others or children. This is a blatant excuse to be a destructive and lazy parent. LGBTQ+ people holding hands is not a problem, nor is kissing. Your inability to teach your children is a problem. This over sheltering will only hurt you and them. Those people might think about getting their head out of wherever it is stuck. I wish them the best of luck.

But OK, they are sleeping and just calling it in, so it must all be a silly dream to them. Quite a shock when they join reality and actually wake up, get out of bed and be a part of the world.

So, wake up, wake up you sleepy head, get up, get outta bed, live, love, laugh and be happy! (yes, I did not follow the lyrics quite exactly)

Have a beautiful and fantastic day all you spectacular people who are here and part of the living world! Enjoy some sunshine with open eyes!

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Art, Trans

Ta-da

I recently made it through the last step on this project. I made previous posts of part of the creation and now it has all come together.

Here is a photo of the finished piece.

The Trans Pride Flag oil painting with laser etched acrylic in shadowbox frame

I made many decisions throughout the process. I started with the text in the acrylic. I am happy with the results even as it is not without flaws. I am not a machine stamped kinda girl, give it some character and a helping of one-of-a-kind and I am far happier.

The painting is 18 x 12 inches and the acrylic is 24 x 18. I mixed the colors as close but not totally accurate to the point I could color grade them and get a exact match, again an ‘error’ made with intent. I did do color grading, which is a process, as it makes mixing easier in the CMKY codes to know how far I was off where. Then lighting and or monitor setting combined with white balance accuracy in my camera all play a role here.

The text in the lower right has the color codes for RGB, CMKY, Hex and Pantone.

The lower left is the description of the colors meanings.

The bottom center is the description from the flag creator Monica Helmes and her name at the top with the created and first shown information.

The text at the right has more information on the original flag.

I may have gone a bit far into the ambitious realm to complete this, I did splurge on the frame to mention just one.

I would like to do more Pride Flags and having learned from a few redo items and do betters I may. I will not go as far with the frame on future flags though.

I have no expectations but if anyone is interested in more info or would like one made of any of the official Pride flags I would be happy to consider the possibility.

It feels good to have made this!

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Humanity, Trans, why

Pure as Love

While any group of people cannot be defined, explained or otherwise in a short video this is something that is inspiring and bridges at least two demographics with positivity. While we are all not confined to a single demographic or descriptor and when I see representation that shows connections across the diverse multidimensional spectrum of people I see opportunity to build bridges to hope.

Build hope.

Find joy.

Bring comfort.

Tear down walls.

Remove barriers

Stop pain.

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Humanity, My Opinion, Trans, why

If you think about it

In this world of Twitter size text and TikTok video clips if anything is not an entertaining or witty nibble then no attention is given. The quick immediate, boil it down to the smallest possible thing that only slightly resembles any discourse and this is where so much of what we see, hear or know about the world around us.

Conversation, even in-person is impacted. A quick text as concise as possible with as little words, effort and thought permeate how interactions occur in the human existence. We filter out all the beauty and wonder of humanity and just get to the minimum required to get on to the next whatever.

This attack on all of us is perpetuated by us all. The mindless minions of where we are as a species does not serve anyone beyond dealing with the crushing reality we find ourselves in. As a society of minions in denial we feel we are serving the good or just when the wolf in sheep’s clothing or the devil masquerading as an angel is so much closer to what is happening.

The busy schedule or the mountain of must do task corner people into this behavior. Then the immediate and temporary satisfaction or cessation to get to the next whatever it may be only puts a Band-Aid on the issues. While so many are bleeding out just to exist we keep slapping on another quick fix like a finger in a collapsing damn it is quite pointless, but at least we are trying or doing something, right?

No, we are not doing anything really, just meeting the minimum to feel like we can justify and claim that something is there, doing, being done. These are lies many tell themselves and thus believe. It’s OK, not a big deal, or any other way to deny what is all around us. Empty words to reduce the bad or uncomfortable and even worse point somewhere or to someone else with the accusations and blame.

Taking responsibility for much of anything has been taught, conditioned and beaten to be part of our lives and minds. If one can use a tactic to transfer a mistake elsewhere, we will most often do so.

Attacks in the name of save the children or they are bad people for whatever reason is finger-pointing to defer, deny, transfer blame and attention to others and hides what the accuser’s are afraid of, admitting any error, mistake or wrong.

When Trans and Non-Binary people are legislated out of existence where will those fingers aim? The accusations must continue by those in positions to make them and it is a vicious pattern. Once there is enough buy-in for their hate that the target is eliminated they must point the weapons at a new target.

Transgender and Non-Binary are a primary target today but you will be a target, maybe not next but soon. So keep turning away or denying and believing you own lies to make today easier. Make today as easy and pain-free as you can possibly do so as tomorrow will be a whole new hell when you are the one taking their fire.

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Creative, My Opinion, Photgraphy, San Francisco, Written

Riding around

Recently I was asked by a friend if I wanted to ride around on the way to pick up her daughter a little later. I texted back “I can put clothes on, what time?” I was wearing PJ’s contemplating how I could get sleep as I have deprived myself for far too long of this simple and essential part of living. With her response as it was I pulled off my pajamas and tossed on clothes. My smaller camera bag was already packed minus a camera. Into the bag went a camera and as I stepped out my door texted I was ready.

As we pulled away she asked a question that prompted me to tell a story about moments in my life and off my mouth went as my camera emerged and the shutter sounded with the lens looking out the window. We wound through the park, Golden Gate Park for non San Francisco residents. It was glorious to see people out doing what they do. Bike riders, walkers, joggers and everything else. As we wound through the Presidio I just kept chatting away with each ask on what I had been rambling on about.

I am always surprised when anyone comments on my incessant chatter that I am a good storyteller and have had interesting experiences. I take this as a complement and yet, I am just me, another person and human, what makes a good story about me and what I have gone through? As I think through this today I find inspiration.

My thought have turned to sharing some of these stories. How about a memoir style journal series of some snippet or moment as I recount the events that some find they like to hear. I like to write and I hope I can incorporate media of multiple types; photos, audio, mixed media of the digital and physical form.

This comes to mind, aside from the lyrics gender reference that is obvious to anyone who has the wrong pronouns lobbed like grenades in their direction is often more attune to, good match lyrically, kinda, but only knda.

I am flipping through the card catalogue of some of the vocal reenactments searching for one to recount here as a start. I think I will let you know when I find one I want to step out with. OK?

In the mean-time, photos for your eyes (and audio above, I bet you noticed that though), I do hope I might entertain you while I try not to get a paper-cut searching for a memory to tell.

Just why does this seem appealing to me? I ask this question to myself my description begins with the duh, obvious response: Maybe someone will like it, then quickly moves on to more meaningful things. As the story teller it could help me and may have the same effect on someone who takes this in. Yep, that is a big broad statement and says next to nothing I know. In sharing these stories there might be those who relate or see something in themselves just slightly different than before to nudge a part of them in the direction of whatever it is that it does, better be a good nudge though. Least of which is to entertain, but this is just a symptom or side effect. not a goal. Then there is those who might be challenged and to those the phrase “Art is to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.”

When I start compiling these I will tag them with #memoir and whatever title is settle on.

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My Opinion, Tech, Trans

They wouldn’t listen anyway, so…

If there is a group of people that someone has negativity about, why would they listen to them? If a person thinks of says, why, I don’t understand, who would and so on into oblivion, why would they even list to any of ‘those people’?

As a trans person anyone anti-trans would most likely not give me the time of day. Rather, it would be insults, criticism or attempts to word me into being wrong. Why would I listen to them? If there is an inkling of intelligence I might but that is rare to find. Excuses and claims on their position and fighting for every inch or even as much as a single mm to be and maintain they are right is what happens far too often.

What about the homeless or anyone seen as less than or have made mistakes or suffered from a choice of others or themselves.

I could rant for days, but this is quite pointless beyond raising my own blood-pressure so I will not.

I will say that this is an systemic issue in the way we experience society as I see it. Those attitudes are perpetuated by the sales and marketing propaganda, invasive technology and generations of persecuting the have not’s for the benefit of those who do. The ability to freely think is under assault, as is personal choice in the name of ideas that are baseless in their claims. The way I see it, these enable those with power and money to not just hold on but gain and grow.

When anyone aims at a person for who they are, the situation they are in for one reason or many they are adding to the control and wealth of those they are minions of, the ultra rich and powerful are the masters they often unknowingly serve. The best minions are the ones who do not see themselves as such.

Are you a minion? If you even could possibly be, would you change that?

I went to the Netflix Walkout in LA the WikipediA entry has more details. As a trans person I went to peacefully support other trans people. I took the photo in this post there. I do not want or need to boast about this. I do need to say the most important reason I was there, to support people who needed support – period!

I was at many BLM protests after the killing of George Floyd. I am not a member of the black community but I did and do want to support people that need support. Being part of or not of a group does not make anyone important, irrelevant, right or wrong.

Speaking, acting as one knows so much better than those of a group and that group is less or wrong, etc. is a red herring and is pointing a finger in shame to the ones who ARE better. A diversion tactic that is far more effective that it ever should be. If one puts down others, what makes them a god and all knowing? Just stop please and be human, help someone or just move on in silence.

Protest for people to have better to be better or just sit down and be quiet.

A few more photos from the walkout:

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Trans, Written

Can something…

Can something viewed as fake or synthetic be seen as real either within oneself or in others? The default correct answer here is it depends in my mind.

I have and continue to struggle and this is one of the foundations in this fight I have. I need so badly to be seen as myself. This is not an easy thing to achieve as a trans woman. Others cannot read my mind or know my soul but they can see with their eyes. The human eye is powerful and influential to people as a generality and so often experiences in my life support this.

The conundrum is I do not pass as a cis woman and synthetic or prosthetics can help me get closer. The hesitation is I will not be seen. The temporary augmentation is not real in a sense.

I could get surgery or do any number of things to make changes permanent. I am not rich and I have work to do in my thoughts before I could, not to mention the expense I cannot currently afford.

I do have a few wigs and prosthetic hips. I have not worn a wig in quite a long time. I supplement with a hat to help me not feel like a flashing neon target. I do not wear the hips, I did once but that was a trial and not much else.

Back to my opening question, can something synthetic be real? I am not asking in the Pinocchio sense or can synthetic become organic but in the representation way. Can artificial be, even if within ones own self, real and not an illusion, facade or lie?

I have to say yes, it is possible. The person of my last post I think can testify to that, though I have not asked. I know this can be for myself and that is the true and final evaluation that I am looking for this morning.

As I know this can be in one aspect, how can or could I transfer this from an external entity to self? This is where the division is in me. I can bring sytnthetik into reality and it be ‘real’ but what about me? can I add something or temporarily modify my appearance and feel real, beyond makeup, clothes or accessories?

I have not found my place in this world and life at this point. I an pushing and pulling with more effort, endurance and strength than I thought I could employ in a much longer timeline by factors I cannot comprehend. While this now accessible and no longer dormant, the ability I still seek out on the path to get closer to where I must go.

I think often and as far back as I can remember the notion that represents how I feel; Am I alien and everyone else human or it it the other way around. I could put on a face and act a part to fit in this world but that is acceptable to others. This is nothing but torture to me. I am done and walking out of this prison of torture that is relentless wherever I am or whatever I may do awake or asleep. In order for me to exist in any way I must take that long, treacherous and steep walk out of this hell I have been too afraid to leave.

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Creative, Trans

Next step on my TDoR painting

While I have only a working title for this and still have much to do to get to completion, I made the next step recently and made another time-lapse.

I did completely cover and hide the first part and that is my point in doing this the way I have. The final piece is important, but the process and what I go through is just as significant when I put paint on canvas. What music was I listening to, what did I feel before, during and after. What were all the thoughts I had during my work in each part and aspect.

Once I feel I have done what I need to and can tell myself I have completed a work a new stage can begin. That switch is from me and my experience to anyone who might come in contact with what I put myself into. I have to let go of all I did and felt to allow others to do what they do when viewing. Others will make assessments either consciously or just by being human, sub-consciously. The results could be anything I would think that a person could react, respond or have as a reflex. That is for them and not me, I did my part in creating.

As I mentioned there are numerous other parts to be completed, but here is the edit of the video.

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