My Opinion, Written


Why is this idea so pervasive in the world I see around me? What does perfection attain?

I would guess one could make all sorts of statements on those questions and I do get caught up in that at times myself. When I take time to think about this after stepping back and calming down from whatever is pushing me to seek out some manner of perfection I desire to pull away from those excuses and notions that perfect is in some way better than imperfections.

What I find is happiness is a goal and perfection is not synonymous with happiness one does not lead to the other. They can have a relationship however lose that may be in my eye.

Why do people tend to achieve perfection? As I do not know nor can say with any authority, my guess is what it is. In this connected society of like buttons and all that entails where profit is the driver in the form on money or popularity, perfection is needy, selfish and puts the wants of others ahead of what I or someone may need to get closer to happiness more often. As happy is not a place on really stays and never leaves. We travel through or touch for a bit. Maybe we visit or live next door to happy and drop in for a tea or coffee. Like the sunrise and set or phases of the moon we are not always calmly and comfortably watching the sunrise. Phases and cycles are a part of life.

I have long been one to resist competing with others and often chose to measure against myself. This too has drawbacks and I would like to remember I can slow down, relax and just see if happy is up for an afternoon chat or lunch meetup.

I am fallible as I am human. Perfection is a target that cannot remain still. Hit it once and it has moved before one can tray again. Goals are important and so can the path those goals take as I see it.

Why don’t I not make time with happiness and not a mirage of what happiness might be as the world around me appears to be selling. I am not in the mood to be sold what I do not need today.

In my dismissal of perfection I may be closer to heading i the direction of purpose and that sounds like a far more enjoyable and fruitful journey to a day with happy to me.

My Opinion, Written


There is a fine line between a conversation that is constructive and one that is not. I think this often is delineated by intent. Another sketchy area is labels. For me gender and orientation come to mind as a topic where labels are often just too much to drag into things.

For intent, what all involved bring to the conversation and any existing history amongst them is a factor that can set a tone for judgement as a pretext. If this weighing of others is a heavy part, then I would rather have no part myself.

I needed labels in a lot of ways but as a way to bring comprehension from communication I no longer see this as a proper method to get there. After mixing with judgement I tend to get a nasty concoction as a result.

I have found I give the ‘it depends’ or a overly broad set of words to most questions at the start. For example; if I am asked by someone I am not close with or in a group and I just want to be with people not debate about where or what to eat I have answered ‘I prefer food from the northern hemisphere general;y.’

It depends is more often than i acknowledge the only reasonable answer that is correct or accurate enough when you have two or more people. Throw in time and a response will hopefully change and evolve as we experience and learn. With the complexity some have in their mood as subtle as it may appear something so fundamental as what to eat gets stupidly complex, rapidly.

Labels have a place I know. Terms aid in communication and when other aspects that seem so predominant are added in it just gets messy.

I am human just as I hope we all are. I do not nor have any desire to get it all right and exhaust a thought I may communicate into every permutation of each minutia. I personally enjoy and respect a dose of enigma and personal perspective and interpretation. I like to have this in art be it as an observer or creator.

I hope I am not as alone as it would feel to want and need difference around me, it helps me learn, grow and understand. It is a way to make mistakes that circle back into learning and becoming a better person. This all comes crashing down when intent and judgement convert a conversation into a debate and pushes to have a right and wrong outcome. It is predisposed to end in a less useful result.

Be free and let others be free but stop and walk away before any harm is done.

My Opinion, Photgraphy, San Francisco, Written

Where Am I Going

I asked myself this question as I walked the streets of San Francisco. On this sunny Thanksgiving. I spent time with the city I love. I was going in the direction of Ocean Beach. As I cannot be with the people I would like to, I kept thinking to myself, where am I going?

After I opened the second package of Kleenex I used to wipe up the tears, I was struck with a thought carrying an inertia and a kinetic energy like the waves crashing on the beach with the power to destroy and sustain life.

I am already where I am going.

This transformed into an answer of what I was just asking myself in repetition.

Over the next mile to the beach I went up and down hills, both litteral and emotional.

I am still as I sit in Golden gate Park flowing over those mental and emotional hills.

I am already where I am going. Even as I have much to do in my journey, I am where I need to be. This in itself is where I need life to located. If I were at the end, then that is where I would be, not somewhere along the way.

I set out today after I created a playlist I titled ‘sad walk’ to find something I did not expect. To find comfort, just as I did.

As I carried my camera, some photos I took on my walk in the greatest city on earth, just exactly where I need to be.

My Opinion, Written


Most people have been inundated with the words binary or spectrum recently. If you talk about Autism or gender and many other topics of social discourse currently out there in the environment we occupy.

I would like to ask, even if to just myself, what about a related but different word – quantum?

As most are probably aware in a binary system there are 2 possible values. On / off, true, false, yes / no, etc. Before binary was popular the word boolean is what I have been exposed to as a definition or descriptor of this system.

Then we have spectrum. A range of values from one absolute to another and all the gradient variations in-between. A line from one end to the other. One could take this line and add a second dimension to create a plane. Think of a color wheel where the possible values are a single dot located at some point in the 2D spectrum. Be there 100 or 16 million or more possible points.

As I introduce my thoughts on the quantum variation I pull from the little understanding I have on how quantum computing works, specifically the qbit. In typical computing where binary is an off or on, in a qbit you begin with an off or on, but both states can concurrently hold multiple values of off or on. Like a number that is denoted as a power or superscript.

When I, and I would be inclined to think I am not alone, have a thought that generates an opinion on a discrete idea I may and often do have variations with my opinion that are adjusted or influenced by more factors or variables than I could possibly list or account for. Generalizing this, time is a significant category under which numerous possibilities can be categorized. Time can be part of environmental factors, or not. What have my empirical experiences been over a span of time and how do they influence and to what degree the moment in which I may communicate or act as a result of an opinion I hold?

When I think of how to quantify my experience I tend to jump straight over to qualify. This exercise, to me, seems like making a finite conclusion on something that is in constant flux. You could measure a point in time, but before the measurement can be processed in ones mind the value has moved on. I am aware of trends and projections, however I am thinking of human nature and the often present idea of chaos we tend to point at in human behavior and response.

To get to my thought, it would seem to me that an opinion I may have can and very often does have the properties of a qbit, or having multiple values at the exact same moment.

No intended detraction from binary or spectrum systems, but I like to blend in and stand out, so ponder of the quantum qbit if you are so inclined.

My Opinion, Written

I guess you would have an opinion on this

Great, you have an opinion. That is not bad in itself. What you do with your opinion, however can take a benign state to either good or bad. Like tools of many types, they are not positive or negative in a state of non-use. It is a person, as fallible as we are, that uses a tool like language for example, and the manner in which it is employed is the determination of the result.

Take this Taoist saying: “When the wrong man uses the right means, the right means work in the wrong way.” I hope you can get the sentiment in this.

How about something a bit more modern?

Language is the liquid
That we’re all dissolved in
Great for solving problems
After it creates a problem

Modest Mouse “Blame It On The Tetons”

Let me say again, have your opinion. Just use your opinion in a way that does not cause harm.

With my use of the word harm I am well aware that can be a Pandora’s box. Allow me to explain, again, what this means when I say this.

Harm is when you take choice away from others, or make a choice that limits someones choice. Easy example is, if you kill someone you take every possible future choice away from them.

If you deny choice in others or anyone denies you choice, then harm is what results. So make you choice so long as it does not harm anyone.

That might be a messed up way to lead into this, but I didn’t hurt anyone so all is good.

Now I am going to say something about myself, give you my opinion if you want to look at it that way. I have made and will surely continue to make choices people will not understand and that is fine by me. You do you and let me be me. Do not presume that you know all that goes on in my heart, mind and life based on whatever momentary observation(s) you grab on to. The same goes for anyone else.

If you don’t understand another choice then in all likelihood you are missing something, like what is going on in the heart and mind of the other making a choice. Now, I am fully aware it is not easy to look at oneself and say something like, I don’t understand and well there is just things I do not or cannot know, so I will reserve judgement until I can learn more.

Unless one is all knowing, one should hold pushing judgement on others as much as a person is able to.

I know I am over simplifying all this, but I do hope you have intellect and can come to your own conclusions when drawing on the words here.

So have your opinion and please use this tool for good and positive things and not to hurt others, and just have a good day.

P.S. I am guilty of this and yes, this is a rant. I will get over it.

My Opinion, Written

When you get the “most people” response

When I get the “most people” treatment by health care providers or better yet the I know, because I am a Dr. I want to walk away at best. At the worst I can think of so many, worst outcomes.

A bit of background for you in a vague sense. Some of the longest running shitshows in my life have been a result of these 2 things in one way or another. I spent more than a couple decades in ignorance and living a misguided existence as a result.

My fault in ways for going along, but I was young at the time, like pre 16 years old young, so not a lot of experience or wisdom to draw from in all of that. But I did not see what I needed for many years to come and getting out of that was not easy as I needed a provider to do more to help me than one could reasonably expect to find.

There are other examples I could allude to, but I hope you get my point. While a tough job that helps so many people, it does not automatically mean the patient is wrong and the provider is correct.

If you add in finance, insurance, big Pharma and government you have the makings of something that is at the core good and helpful and contort it into something disgusting.

Do not misunderstand me, I am not saying anything bad about anyone in healthcare or they are bad people, shut that shit off right now. The healthcare system in society is in a predisposition from all or nearly all sides to be or have this perception placed on them.

So, as I think about interacting with these people, it is not about them in the majority of ways, but the sum of what we are exposed to and have to rely on with our health when going it alone is not an option.

For the most people part of all this, where do you tend to be most often, in or out of the most people group? As I ponder this, I can see in my past I have or likely have been not been part of “most people” far more often than I realized at the time or even after, sometimes for numerous years.

I am not and do not need to be a “most people.” How about you?

My Opinion, Written

That one time when…

I was in that relationship and it ended.

I guess we have all been there in some form or another, but I am specifically referring to a romantic, dating, partner, sexual, etc. relationship. When things come to a close and the end is where I find myself for what ever reason a lot of things happen at this point. One I have not done much of is look for anything good later in that past part of life.

I have done so much introspection that this was one I visited. Some of those it was difficult to find or remember the good, but I gave them a go. Not as a task or goal, it just kinda happened over the last couple of years and in no specific order.

For whatever it is worth or it seemed appropriate to also mention what it might cost me. I am going to be vague about those ghosts of realities past.

First, it took all of them to get me here in the place I am mentally, emotionally and the like. One of them brought me physically to the city I live. The city which is home even when it is a mess or costs too much, etc.

Another gave me my dog, and I will not go further into this, but my dog carried me through some shit times the the relationship could not.

I would be remiss if I didn’t make mention of all those firsts that just happen.

So as I have wondered through thoughts and memories this is a topic that I repressed most of my life and now I have more skills to do something productive and worthwhile it is a nice feeling. To move on from a situation that ended and still see the reason to say something great happened then and go about my day knowing it is far from all doom and gloom.

A new something can happen any moment, I hope I can be ready and realize when it is right in front of me. A new crazy experience awaits somewhere with someone, somehow.

My Opinion, Written

Baggage and Fear

While I may not have much of what many aspire to such as money or whatever, I have found that I have more than I could have imagined earlier in my previous life. What I do have is worth more than any amount of money, notoriety, or anything I can label in such a way.

When the time in my life came as a eureka or epiphany that it was so clear and obvious that I had to let go of what I feared and start to live life, I never anticipated what would really happen. I dove into the unknown with little more than an “I must” or “What choice do I have”, etc. It might have been able to be described as a suicide mission or kamikaze. In ways there might be something there, in that I sacrificed “things” to get to today. I left so much behind, but that was baggage that I carried because I thought I had to, not out of need. I left much fear, anxiety, stress, confusion, and what kept me from being and living a full and engaged life.

While it has not been all sunshine and roses at every moment, the moments that were and are not just perfect are in important ways, good to have and that makes the bad, well, not so bad and actually good.

What I can see I have learned and picked up as I dropped all that burdened me and held me back and down, this gave me strength and room to find, see and appreciate more and more. I have space in my life for what is good and helpful.

The best path I took was when I was in a place that I risked everything, family, friends, work and beyond. What I found was I lost nothing but what I should have never held on to in the first place.

With care and compassion I go forward having trust in myself and leave those where they may be who cannot appreciate how far I have come.

Mental cobwebs no longer collect as they did. Emotional baggage has been cleared out. A once dark and dusty attic has rays of sun in the day and a clear view of the stars at night.

Trans, Written

A text from one with a heart of gold and soul of stardust.

Those that know me and keep in touch in some form know this has not been an easy year in so many ways. I am not about to spell all that out here, so not the point I am attempting to make.

I have good days, less good to just plain bad as people do. I do what I can to deal with what is, let go of what is not, remember what has been and not be to set or depend on what is not yet.

But, this is not about me, but a text from a wonderful friend recently. I do not want to add too many details of fill in many of the gaps. I would like to show that there are people who are genuine with a heart and affinity to care about others to a grand extent.

Those souls are good, kind and caring, not for self or personal gain, acknowledgement or accolades.

I am blessed, fortunate or lucky, whatever word you place on this my gratitude is immense to have anyone in my life I can say this about.

This is the text I mentioned and reading it fills me with so much happiness and not just for myself, but this tells me that there are people out there that are not just good, but naturally are beyond spectacular.

Do your best for everyone as often as you can find any ability to do so, yourself included.