If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be, and why?
As a transgender woman I have never wanted to be anyone other than myself. It has been and continues to be such a struggle to just be. I cannot think of a single reason I might have any desire, even temporarily.
Sure, one could have wild experiences or maybe alter future events but in a world where just living as myself is a fight, no thank you to any of that.
I will keep myself with all the joy and the struggles.
When lack of sleep and stress combine things get strange, very strange. Returning to a more typical state is a spiraling mess that creates a screeching feedback like fingernails on a chalkboard and that intense microphone screeching. A jarring, unexpected jolt and no way to ignore while nothing else seems to exist as that assault distorts absolutely everything.
Figuring out how to shutdown or even just slow enough of the agitation to do anything constructive to move any closer to sleep is yet another challenge at minimum. The mental and emotional tools and techniques are out of reach.
I have slept more in the past 24 hours than any given week in more months than I care to admit. I will spend the next bit of time to repeat the past 24 hours over the holiday and see where I might get to.
I plan to sleep through the holiday that consumes this weekend.
As I have texted a friend many times over the years: Sleep well and dream interesting. (Haven’t used this in a while, time to bring it back.)
I am too busy living and enjoying life to post anything significant here today. I highly recommend living far beyond the mundane. Do try it if you can.
No confusion should be made that I am trans. I am not ashamed of this. I am not here to hide. I have not been through what I have in order to blend in, be indistinguishable or invisible.
Now that I have acknowledged this here I we make efforts to include more of what I create that extends beyond this one aspect of myself. As a multifaceted human I am not “x” what ever that is. I am not defined by one attribute.
To be alive and human in the sense I feel is grand and I hold this with all the fabric physically, mentally and spiritually. I am alive and living and I hope you feel you are doing the same.
Empress Em 