Category Archives: Trans

Humanity, Trans, transgender

“For your sake. For their sake. ” – Harvey Milk

All my trans* and non-binary brothers and sisters and the LGBTQ+ community, please take care of yourself. To help others people need to be as well as they can be themselves.

In today’s world where attacks are nonstop, reaching out and helping one another before attacking is often the best case in my opinion. Like the safety presentation on an airplane; put your mask on before helping others. The idea of defend before attacking also comes to mind.

It is impossible to see any news or depiction of what passes as news without being subjected to what is found there. There are many ways one can look at this, some good and others bad.

If you are unable to escape the reach of bad news, please keep in mind there can be a positive outcome. Humans are resilient and when up against a no-win, people find what is needed to persevere. There are countless examples throughout history of this.

If we were not in the way of an agenda then we would be largely ignored. This can be a position to take where the community’s existence and the reaction from some points to our strength and obstruction to those desires they use to attempt to beat us down.

I am writing this for anyone who needs it as well as myself. A reminder that I am here and not going anywhere and this act of defiance and dissent alone is a defense against hate. I am and will continue to do more.

What so many trans* and non-binary people are asked to endure on a daily basis is daunting and our perseverance is beyond amazing, it moves me to keep being positive and provides encouragement.

This community has withstood so much and to step back now seems like the wrong direction for how far we have come. In so many ways I see my personal struggle as a source of growth and it shows me just how much I can actually achieve. Convert the stress and anxiety into a drive to keep going and to help others as we can.

Rest if you need to, unplug for a while, recharge and be safe and healthy. I know that the community will be here and continue to be when you are ready again to come out.

Shatter that door down!

I will not attempt to reword Harvey Milk. Here is a link to a speech he made on June 25th 1978 for Gay Freedom Day.

https://www.docsteach.org/documents/document/milk-hope-speech

The transcript of Harvey Milk’s The Hope Speech

https://www.mfa.org/exhibitions/amalia-pica/transcript-harvey-milks-the-hope-speech

If you are the video type, here is a YouTube link to a scene from the movie Milk (2008)

If you can, please watch this movie, if you have then watch it again and keep what is happening in mind when you do.

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Art, Dissent, Humanity, My Opinion, Trans, transgender, why

A Dragon

Anyone who attacks the lives of others is just a small heart, small mind and no soul worth redemption. A convoluted pile of fear coated in a Napoleon complex bathed in narcissism. The fear is buried and distorted by hate that attacks the very fabric of what those people claim.

Attacks on Transgender people Non-binary, Bisexual, Lesbian, Gay, Intersex, Queer plus, plus plus. The long standing history of Black suppression. Asian discrimination against the mere presence of of people not nearly enough effort has been given to understand. This is pitiful and holds no valid excuse or reason of good, noble or even human.

We let these attacks hurt us when we the marginalized can see these for what they are and laugh in the face as they show what they really stand for; money, power, control and to wear a costume to look good for others while their attacks reveal the wolf in sheep’s clothing. The devil in disguise. The pointing out of a red herring. These distract others and themselves from the the inadequacies they bear the weight of.

As a trans woman I have to face my daemons every moment I am. I must think anyone part of a community under attack is pushed to do the same.

Our aggressors are too weak to do the same and make us their targets rather than face what is too much for them, their own daemons. The emotional baggage they carry is too much so they feel they need to distract themselves and others from noticing they are the ones with the issues to be resolved. Too weak to work on themselves, they must attack others.

I do not wish evil upon them unlike what we the oppressed receive. I do not ask for a formal or public apology for their atrocities. I hope they find a way to reconcile what deeply troubles them and find peace in a world of diversity and change.

Calm down, relax and take a deep lifelong breath of unity and peace.

I am not here to throw stones but beg for a better tomorrow for everyone, everywhere regardless of demographic, culture or difference. Communicate and strive for understanding over winning or being right and not wrong. Cooperate and not to demand. Pursue understanding and hold back judgement.

The idea of a dragon changes and one way this is in culture. The symbolism of a dragon is a protecting mother much as a bear will defend her young. The dragon mentors, protects and nurtures and when she must draw on her wisdom and strength, defend against the aggressors.

Let us keep the nurture and caring mother dragons doing just that and end the need to defend as aggressors are nowhere.

The noble and just will let the past be and work tirelessly to forge a new beginning on solid ground with a clean slate.

Can we open the door, negotiate, even if informally, to begin again and vow to an eternal ceasefire for the prosperity of humanity.

My blog is titled Empress Em and this can illicit notions I am aware. The thoughts of a ruler or any standing above is not who I am or what I stand for. I am a peasant Empress of a life full of struggle and not one of privilege or power. I rule only my own choices and mind, no one else.

I also dilute the ideas of Queens, kings, Empress and Emperor to President, Chairman, dictator and the entire list possible to make here. These should not be titles on authority but strive to be Buddha or flow as the Taoist.

If we are to kill anyone we should do so not in hate, desire, power, greed or otherwise but in the warmth and comfort of compassion and kindness.

Forgive and move forward without combat. We are not gods and as such we are fallible and have no authority in the judgement of others. This goes both ways and in every direction.

Can we stop hurting others and can we stop denying ourselves?

Time to let the lie of the red herring no longer be a scapegoat.

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Dissent, Humanity, Trans

On a rant

I am queer and trans! No apologies!

If you are one to have issue with me, my existence or anyone else, why are you still reading?

I dissent from the ideas where what is benign is an attack on others or children. This is a blatant excuse to be a destructive and lazy parent. LGBTQ+ people holding hands is not a problem, nor is kissing. Your inability to teach your children is a problem. This over sheltering will only hurt you and them. Those people might think about getting their head out of wherever it is stuck. I wish them the best of luck.

But OK, they are sleeping and just calling it in, so it must all be a silly dream to them. Quite a shock when they join reality and actually wake up, get out of bed and be a part of the world.

So, wake up, wake up you sleepy head, get up, get outta bed, live, love, laugh and be happy! (yes, I did not follow the lyrics quite exactly)

Have a beautiful and fantastic day all you spectacular people who are here and part of the living world! Enjoy some sunshine with open eyes!

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Art, Trans

Ta-da

I recently made it through the last step on this project. I made previous posts of part of the creation and now it has all come together.

Here is a photo of the finished piece.

The Trans Pride Flag oil painting with laser etched acrylic in shadowbox frame

I made many decisions throughout the process. I started with the text in the acrylic. I am happy with the results even as it is not without flaws. I am not a machine stamped kinda girl, give it some character and a helping of one-of-a-kind and I am far happier.

The painting is 18 x 12 inches and the acrylic is 24 x 18. I mixed the colors as close but not totally accurate to the point I could color grade them and get a exact match, again an ‘error’ made with intent. I did do color grading, which is a process, as it makes mixing easier in the CMKY codes to know how far I was off where. Then lighting and or monitor setting combined with white balance accuracy in my camera all play a role here.

The text in the lower right has the color codes for RGB, CMKY, Hex and Pantone.

The lower left is the description of the colors meanings.

The bottom center is the description from the flag creator Monica Helmes and her name at the top with the created and first shown information.

The text at the right has more information on the original flag.

I may have gone a bit far into the ambitious realm to complete this, I did splurge on the frame to mention just one.

I would like to do more Pride Flags and having learned from a few redo items and do betters I may. I will not go as far with the frame on future flags though.

I have no expectations but if anyone is interested in more info or would like one made of any of the official Pride flags I would be happy to consider the possibility.

It feels good to have made this!

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Humanity, Trans, why

Pure as Love

While any group of people cannot be defined, explained or otherwise in a short video this is something that is inspiring and bridges at least two demographics with positivity. While we are all not confined to a single demographic or descriptor and when I see representation that shows connections across the diverse multidimensional spectrum of people I see opportunity to build bridges to hope.

Build hope.

Find joy.

Bring comfort.

Tear down walls.

Remove barriers

Stop pain.

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Humanity, My Opinion, Trans, why

If you think about it

In this world of Twitter size text and TikTok video clips if anything is not an entertaining or witty nibble then no attention is given. The quick immediate, boil it down to the smallest possible thing that only slightly resembles any discourse and this is where so much of what we see, hear or know about the world around us.

Conversation, even in-person is impacted. A quick text as concise as possible with as little words, effort and thought permeate how interactions occur in the human existence. We filter out all the beauty and wonder of humanity and just get to the minimum required to get on to the next whatever.

This attack on all of us is perpetuated by us all. The mindless minions of where we are as a species does not serve anyone beyond dealing with the crushing reality we find ourselves in. As a society of minions in denial we feel we are serving the good or just when the wolf in sheep’s clothing or the devil masquerading as an angel is so much closer to what is happening.

The busy schedule or the mountain of must do task corner people into this behavior. Then the immediate and temporary satisfaction or cessation to get to the next whatever it may be only puts a Band-Aid on the issues. While so many are bleeding out just to exist we keep slapping on another quick fix like a finger in a collapsing damn it is quite pointless, but at least we are trying or doing something, right?

No, we are not doing anything really, just meeting the minimum to feel like we can justify and claim that something is there, doing, being done. These are lies many tell themselves and thus believe. It’s OK, not a big deal, or any other way to deny what is all around us. Empty words to reduce the bad or uncomfortable and even worse point somewhere or to someone else with the accusations and blame.

Taking responsibility for much of anything has been taught, conditioned and beaten to be part of our lives and minds. If one can use a tactic to transfer a mistake elsewhere, we will most often do so.

Attacks in the name of save the children or they are bad people for whatever reason is finger-pointing to defer, deny, transfer blame and attention to others and hides what the accuser’s are afraid of, admitting any error, mistake or wrong.

When Trans and Non-Binary people are legislated out of existence where will those fingers aim? The accusations must continue by those in positions to make them and it is a vicious pattern. Once there is enough buy-in for their hate that the target is eliminated they must point the weapons at a new target.

Transgender and Non-Binary are a primary target today but you will be a target, maybe not next but soon. So keep turning away or denying and believing you own lies to make today easier. Make today as easy and pain-free as you can possibly do so as tomorrow will be a whole new hell when you are the one taking their fire.

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My Opinion, Tech, Trans

They wouldn’t listen anyway, so…

If there is a group of people that someone has negativity about, why would they listen to them? If a person thinks of says, why, I don’t understand, who would and so on into oblivion, why would they even list to any of ‘those people’?

As a trans person anyone anti-trans would most likely not give me the time of day. Rather, it would be insults, criticism or attempts to word me into being wrong. Why would I listen to them? If there is an inkling of intelligence I might but that is rare to find. Excuses and claims on their position and fighting for every inch or even as much as a single mm to be and maintain they are right is what happens far too often.

What about the homeless or anyone seen as less than or have made mistakes or suffered from a choice of others or themselves.

I could rant for days, but this is quite pointless beyond raising my own blood-pressure so I will not.

I will say that this is an systemic issue in the way we experience society as I see it. Those attitudes are perpetuated by the sales and marketing propaganda, invasive technology and generations of persecuting the have not’s for the benefit of those who do. The ability to freely think is under assault, as is personal choice in the name of ideas that are baseless in their claims. The way I see it, these enable those with power and money to not just hold on but gain and grow.

When anyone aims at a person for who they are, the situation they are in for one reason or many they are adding to the control and wealth of those they are minions of, the ultra rich and powerful are the masters they often unknowingly serve. The best minions are the ones who do not see themselves as such.

Are you a minion? If you even could possibly be, would you change that?

I went to the Netflix Walkout in LA the WikipediA entry has more details. As a trans person I went to peacefully support other trans people. I took the photo in this post there. I do not want or need to boast about this. I do need to say the most important reason I was there, to support people who needed support – period!

I was at many BLM protests after the killing of George Floyd. I am not a member of the black community but I did and do want to support people that need support. Being part of or not of a group does not make anyone important, irrelevant, right or wrong.

Speaking, acting as one knows so much better than those of a group and that group is less or wrong, etc. is a red herring and is pointing a finger in shame to the ones who ARE better. A diversion tactic that is far more effective that it ever should be. If one puts down others, what makes them a god and all knowing? Just stop please and be human, help someone or just move on in silence.

Protest for people to have better to be better or just sit down and be quiet.

A few more photos from the walkout:

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Trans, Written

Can something…

Can something viewed as fake or synthetic be seen as real either within oneself or in others? The default correct answer here is it depends in my mind.

I have and continue to struggle and this is one of the foundations in this fight I have. I need so badly to be seen as myself. This is not an easy thing to achieve as a trans woman. Others cannot read my mind or know my soul but they can see with their eyes. The human eye is powerful and influential to people as a generality and so often experiences in my life support this.

The conundrum is I do not pass as a cis woman and synthetic or prosthetics can help me get closer. The hesitation is I will not be seen. The temporary augmentation is not real in a sense.

I could get surgery or do any number of things to make changes permanent. I am not rich and I have work to do in my thoughts before I could, not to mention the expense I cannot currently afford.

I do have a few wigs and prosthetic hips. I have not worn a wig in quite a long time. I supplement with a hat to help me not feel like a flashing neon target. I do not wear the hips, I did once but that was a trial and not much else.

Back to my opening question, can something synthetic be real? I am not asking in the Pinocchio sense or can synthetic become organic but in the representation way. Can artificial be, even if within ones own self, real and not an illusion, facade or lie?

I have to say yes, it is possible. The person of my last post I think can testify to that, though I have not asked. I know this can be for myself and that is the true and final evaluation that I am looking for this morning.

As I know this can be in one aspect, how can or could I transfer this from an external entity to self? This is where the division is in me. I can bring sytnthetik into reality and it be ‘real’ but what about me? can I add something or temporarily modify my appearance and feel real, beyond makeup, clothes or accessories?

I have not found my place in this world and life at this point. I an pushing and pulling with more effort, endurance and strength than I thought I could employ in a much longer timeline by factors I cannot comprehend. While this now accessible and no longer dormant, the ability I still seek out on the path to get closer to where I must go.

I think often and as far back as I can remember the notion that represents how I feel; Am I alien and everyone else human or it it the other way around. I could put on a face and act a part to fit in this world but that is acceptable to others. This is nothing but torture to me. I am done and walking out of this prison of torture that is relentless wherever I am or whatever I may do awake or asleep. In order for me to exist in any way I must take that long, treacherous and steep walk out of this hell I have been too afraid to leave.

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Creative, Trans

Next step on my TDoR painting

While I have only a working title for this and still have much to do to get to completion, I made the next step recently and made another time-lapse.

I did completely cover and hide the first part and that is my point in doing this the way I have. The final piece is important, but the process and what I go through is just as significant when I put paint on canvas. What music was I listening to, what did I feel before, during and after. What were all the thoughts I had during my work in each part and aspect.

Once I feel I have done what I need to and can tell myself I have completed a work a new stage can begin. That switch is from me and my experience to anyone who might come in contact with what I put myself into. I have to let go of all I did and felt to allow others to do what they do when viewing. Others will make assessments either consciously or just by being human, sub-consciously. The results could be anything I would think that a person could react, respond or have as a reflex. That is for them and not me, I did my part in creating.

As I mentioned there are numerous other parts to be completed, but here is the edit of the video.

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Creative, Trans

Trans Day of Remembrance 2022

I made a decision about a week before on what I was planning to do on November 20th. I had decided that I was not going to attend an event or go out. I have been working on this project for what I feel is too long now and this day was one I was sure would be a day I was in the right frame of mind and mood to work on the next step.

There are multiple other steps before I can get to a place I am happy with where I intend to go with this piece, but those are just details not needed now.

My mind was busy as I mixed the colors and painted. I setup my space the night before and measured off the canvas. It was a ritual in the sense of the notions of duty, respect and expressing reverence. I teared up multiple times as I remembered those for which the day is for and the lives that were lost.

As a trans woman I am fighting to be alive and at the very same time survive. I say this as coming out brought me to life and is also a threat to my life. While I hope the probability is low and unlikely the impact is not. I am trans in spite of the knowledge that hate is real and poses threats. I have no doubt this is a shared experience among most in my demographic. The very thing that saves can also kill. The horrible thing is it does not need to be such. The hate and violence is taught, learned or manufactured.

A poem comes to mind as I write this;

Some say the world will end in fire,

Some say in ice.

From what I’ve tasted of desire

I hold with those who favor fire.

But if it had to perish twice,

I think I know enough of hate

To say that for destruction ice

Is also great

And would suffice.

BY Robert Frost

The world from the perspective I have can look dark and bleak, full of evil in disguise. And I think of a line from a movie, which is a quote some know from the movie “The Usual Suspects”

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.

Here is a link for more on this like: https://quoteinvestigator.com/2018/03/20/devil/

I setup to record a time-lapse video as I painted the part. I edited it a bit and adjusted the speed of playback. I didn’t want to put up a video almost 15 minutes long that would be far longer than most peoples attention span for that. So, I speed it up and brought it to just under 2 and half minutes, added audio and here is what I have.

I hope the owner of the audio either doesn’t mind or never sees this (the most likely of the two.) Dennis Lloyd – Alien. I recommend giving him a listen.

Back to the important topic… Trans Day of Remembrance.

If there is anyone or anything you feel needs to be acknowledged as having been a sacrifice, like Memorial Day here in the US. I feel as if remembering the Trans, non-binary and gender non-conforming lives lost to hate are as one might feel on Memorial Day a they are on active duty in a war-zone – every day and this day or any day could be the one that takes your life and still step out into battle. This is how it feels to be visibly trans in an evil, hateful and hostile world.

Here I am and I live in defiance of evil and hate! I step out into a hostile world to proclaim I am here in spite of that!

I was warned not to come here. I was warned. They warned me, “Don’t stand behind that coffin.” But why should I heed such a warning, when a heartbeat is silent and a child lies dead? “Don’t stand behind” this coffin. That boy was as pure and as innocent as the driven snow. But I must stand here, because I have not given you what you should have. Until we can walk abroad and recreate ourselves; until we can stroll along the streets like boulevards; congregate in parks free from fear, our families mingling, our children laughing, our hearts joined – until that day we have no city. You can label me a failure until that day. The first and perhaps only great mayor was Greek. He was Pericles of Athens, and he lived some 2500 years ago, and he said, “All things good on this Earth flow into the City, because of the City’s greatness.” Well, we were great once. Can we not be great again? Now, I put that question to James Bone, and there’s only silence. Yet could not something pass from this sweet youth to me? Could he not empower me to find in myself the strength to have the knowledge to summon up the courage to accomplish this seemingly insurmountable task of making a city livable? Just livable. There was a palace that was a city. It was a PALACE! It was a PALACE and it CAN BE A PALACE AGAIN! A PALACE, in which there is no king or queen, or dukes or earls or princes, but subjects all: subjects beholden to each other, to make a better place to live. Is that too much to ask?

Are we asking too much for this?
Is it beyond our reach?


Because if it is, then we are nothing but sheep being herded to the final SLAUGHTERHOUSE! I will not go down, THAT WAY!


I choose to FIGHT BACK! I choose to RISE, not fall! I choose to LIVE, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also WITHIN YOU.

City Hall 1996 – Al Pachino as: Mayor John Pappas

And as I close this post out I begin to tear up with these tears that build strength and I will EXIST, I WILL FIGHT BACK!

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