Humanity, Trans, transgender, why

Sleep drunk

When I was young I was not a fan of sleeping much, well, beyond waking up to go someplace or do something I had no intrest in anyway. When I gained a few mre years of life and started to see how shitty people can be I changed. I started to sleep more. When I was in middle school I self enforced a bedtime for myself. I remember being out with my family at that time and when I saw my bedtime was aproaching I pushed to go back home. As an adult, many years later I was asked how many hours I sleep a night. My answer was 9 or more in that point in time.

Jump ahead in my history to when I was wanting to come out. My sleep quickly went back to when I was very young. I did get enough but life was just too good to miss in so many wonderful ways. Being I was unable to for numerous reasons come out I went back to my sleep a whole bunch state. Then, once again as I was determined to come out and live life, right back to the shorter sleep patterns. I was too happy and excited to be in the world to waste so much time in dreamland, I could be in a world that I needed so desprately for what is more years than I want to admit I was not part of.

Now, I am out and the crushing weight of this hatful world has me getting sleep drunk to escape the presure and the pain.

Trans, transgender

Show some love

Today is Trans Day of Visibility.

Show some love fo trans* and non-binary people. It does not matter if you understand or get-it or not. You are not required to. I am happy and proud to be myself. There is nothing I can imagine, even in the extremes that would make me deny myself of my own life for some comforts or to make things easier, nor anything else my mind can conjure up. Believe what you do, feel how you feel, have your opinions but when those take other peoples ability to live their life keep them to yourself and let others be and silently move on.

The beautiful, strong and talented people that are part of this community have hearts that outshine the sun. The love and beauty is something spectacular to behold. Inspiration to be alive and live is crazy. We are diverse in personality, talent and gifts to share, all we need is to be allowed to live out our lives and be as safe as anyone else doing so.

Big group *HUGS*

Humanity, Trans, transgender

This needs to stop!

I was out over a recent weekend and a person out running looked at me and when I saw them they just kept their eyes locked on mine. This was a look of pure hate as if I was steeling food from their baby kind of look. This did not look to be a tourist or some rough rural guy but a young woman. This is what it is and is just an example that trans existence manifests a disgusting hate in people.

As I am exposed to more news over the past few days it is unsettling.

While I could easily add another hundred plus links, I know how unproductive that is.

I could spout all manner of thoughts on why this might be happening but I do not see this doing much to help change anthing. The simple fact that it is happening and not only being allowed but in many ways encouraged is the most deploreable thing someone who claims to be a person could do, it is just pure evil and incarnation of a bag full of devils and demons being sold as something else entirely. Snake oil does not apply, as this is potent poison sold as a cure. A cure for what is beyond me.

Humanity, Trans, transgender


In America, unless you are a cis white male you have an understanding of what discrimination is on a deeper than cursory level. While some people and demographics are impacted more than others, if you are one that knows this and do not have solidarity with all of the others who know, I have a grand level of concern for you as a morally blind, misguided or corrupt individual.

Discrimination among and against others who have felt your pain in some real way is not going to help you or anyone else.

Fighting discrimination and employing these tactics makes you the same as those you are opposing, becoming your own oppressor.

Humanity, Music, Trans, transgender, why

Need this

The song by Garbage “Beloved Freak” came up and I need to hear this. While there are many songs by them that have lyrics and a sound that resonate with me, this is just what today was best to hear early on.

First a link to the Garbage YouTube video on this.

I did not see an official video, but here is one I quickly located.

Why not a couple photos?

Humanity, Trans, transgender, why

What it means for me

For me, as I can only really speak for myself.

Being trans is not about what I look like, though there are many occasions I do want to look the best I can.

Every detail of my body or my appearance is not the or a goal.

What it is most importantly is how I am perceived and treated.

There is a social component to the way I look I am well aware of this, but it is a means not a top priority.

The way I interact and others do so with me is the real need I have, the rest falls behind this.

Dissent, Humanity, Trans, transgender, why

This makes me think, how about you?

I am going to put a few things here before I say anything on my thoughts. Let these sink in just a bit if you can.

Now, please do some searching on research on your own but do remember that 10 minutes, an hour or days of searching does not make one an expert. I do suggest educating yourself and research is not a mute point.

Based on the arguments against Transgender people and drag-queens the case could be made that children should not be allowed in church and the anti-trans laws need to be adopted for the church as well.

The evidence I am able to see and find is overwhelmingly more children are hurt and abused in a church setting than in the presence of a transgender person or drag-queen even if you look at the numbers based on population percentage. This still does not justify a religious attack on anyone.

Don’t throw stones if you live in a glass house.

When has there been a attack by the transgender community in such a fashion on religion beyond people of every gender and orientation not wanting to be forced into religion. Let people be, period.

I could go on but why? Think for yourself and not simply adopt what you are told is truth, not even the so called news should be blindly trusted.

Question everything, but be constructive as you do wherever possible.

Humanity, Trans, transgender

Far from good enough

I am taking a risk. This is fully within myself. I am sharing bad selfies.

These are bad not due to anyone else or their thoughts or opinions. If no one other than me sees them this does not change. If others do, still it does not change in that I am not fond of some aspect or the entirety of these.

I am not not have the delusion that I am better or right more often than others. I am flawed just as every human is as I see it this is without exception.

In all my issues, errors, mistakes, etc. A collection of selfies I did some editing to obscure just a bit to not make me cringe quite as much as I do from the original image.

Even as I titled this, I am good enough. I am me and finally I can be alive and have hope for I life I never have had before. I may take some bad selfies but I am here and I am alive and those things that I see are not what I am not happy with. It is how the world around me reacts to them that is sad and depressing. It is as if others cannot live up to what people expect them to and those demands keep happiness at bay, then the attacks others to bring them to that same place of feeling inadequate, but it does not need to be this way. We can decide to be ourselves and be happy but the violence in physical, verbal or legislative form must end. This is not just for transgender people, or people of any specific group but all and everyone.

Find your own happiness and let others do so as well.

Humanity, Trans, transgender, why

Ban Them!

Ban Republicans & Democrats!
Ban books!
Ban Christians & Muslims!
Ban Corporations

Ban anything and everything!
Ban one and ban it All!

If you cannot live in a world where each and everything that is not part of your life, be that something good or even bad for someone somewhere – this mentality is a loss for all and everyone.

In America the attacks are relentless and make zero sense even as they are pushed as justified. Simply a misguided ignorance and far to overconfident in being so.

How about America be overrun by North Korea, China and Russia and have all that you want erased? If any group feels they are the majority, think again.

I think people will wake up and see just how disgusting things have become and resist and revolt for their fellow people to have the right to live.

I just hope we as people see just where we are in the hell-scape disguised as good before we have to fight for the right just to live and breathe.

Humanity, Trans, transgender

I Am!

I know who I am.
I have zero doubt that I am who I am.
I am a woman, a trans woman.

It is the world outside of myself that is so challenging.

I should not be expected to dress a specific way,
Nor make certain gestures,
Or have the physical features each and everyone expects me to.

I do not answer to everyone,
nor any expectation of
presentation in any manner.
To anyone.

I am who I am
my value and
are mine and mine alone!

The is NO external source that
has any authority over who I am, none and no one!

Yet I must weigh myself
against the backlash
that can bring upon me
a violence to a grave depth.

I must walk out my door
anticipating what others demand
to not draw faster
the full weight
of their judgement.

I am not confused.
I am me!
I am a woman, a trans woman.

Violence may drape
a disguise or
cloak me,
as I defend another day,
but I am.
I am a woman, a trans woman.