Creative, Written

Internal Dialogue

A recent open mic at Bazaar Cafe I funded up my opportunity, but this screw up gave me something I had not planed. How does one plan for chaos? I do they though, sometimes…

As I was up I did say, out-loud, “Sorry, I’ve got an internal dialog that you can’t hear. At least I hope not for your sake” as I was leading into what I was about to deliver.

I am going to see if I can take aspects from my thoughts then, prior and now out and into the words here, just a tiny bit.

I had planed what I was going to do, say and how I would do just that. Then the chaos effect ensued and adding in questions my approach and methodology, what did I get? A strange mess at Bazaar.

I took video of me up in behind the invisible mic as I like to do for what may just be self inflicted punishment. The first frame that caught my attention as I made the first scan through clicking on random point in the timeline I see the host of Bazaar Cafe Open Mic after I had stepped out of the frame. A new curiosity was formed as I saw the look I have no clue how to quantify emblazoned on his face. The stories in my head ran rampant with possibilities that are likely all incorrect. I give you said frame.

What was my mind juggling, playing with and pondering as I made a feeble attempt to deliver the expression of emotion I wanted to communicate? Hell, I wish I knew and if I did try to explain that here this post would end up very, and I mean very different.

I went back to editing after I had my moment in my head and rendered the entire video a few times as I had that, well shit I fucked that up, I have to run through this again. After a time of waiting the not so long as the decibels of my laptop emitted the noise of the fan until the video was ready to review, I had more time to think WTF did I do there and for fuck sake, why?

Then it dawned on me, take the preamble and the rambling out and just cut the mashup poem part to the end where one can clearly see the what might just be a bewildered look on the hosts face as he makes the gesture of applause.

For whatever it may be worth, here is that video I ended up with as I thought, this kind of, or is so not so much what I had planed but here I go getting something from that disaster.

What did I get you could ask if you chose and regardless I will spell some of that out here, very briefly.

It is exactly what you cannot see in the video. The opportunity to chat with someone where I clearly feel we both needed to have just such a chat. The rest, well it is all swirling around in my mind and is what is is, as it became that way, planed or not.

Serendipity is a beautiful thing!